Overprotective Parents
by CrazyChocolateGirl
Summary: In which Amy is a homicidal mother, Rory is an awkward father, the Doctor is nearly castrated with a push-broom and River Song gets condoms thrown into her face.  Oneshot! Lemon implications so if you don't like that, leave.


**AN: Thanks for the reviews people! I love you guys for that so yeah. This one is for HestiaRue14. It was all her brilliant idea so check her out sometime. This fic is actually way different from the one's I usually write. The closest they've actually gotten is my other fic, Better Than Bananas and that's only Jack being himself (a lovable pervert) so don't blame me if it turns out kinda crappy.**

**Oh yeah, and I'm typing this on my new laptop. His name is Maxwell and he says hi. :D**

Amy sat on the park bench with her husband in silence, both of them needing some time to think. Ever since the shock of finding out that River Song was indeed Melody, Amy had begun to feel a bit more protective of her. More motherly, y'know? Like first of all, her daughter should not be running through time and space amuck, kissing random men. Sure, it was so she could kill them, but still! What if she tried to do that to a creeper? What if her little girl got hurt? Maybe she should make River Song carry some pepperspray or something with her, just to be sure that her baby would be safe.

Wait, her baby? What was she thinking? Her "baby" was probably in her twenties. God, she felt old. Amy sighed wearily, and let her head rest on Rory's shoulder.

"I know what you're thinking. We're not old", Rory reassured her.

"Pfft. I wasn't thinking that", Amy spluttered ever-so-convincingly.

"Yes you are."

"Yeah, I know. But would blame me? Our daughter is about as old as us and we never got to see her grow up. We don't even know her age! I feel like a crappy parent."

"It's not our fault. The Doctor says it's all because of the 'timey-wimey'."

"That makes no sense."

"Since when did he make sense?"

Amy and Rory had a good laugh at that, but it wasn't long before that nagging feeling came back. Amy slumped against Rory again, still feeling guilty.

"Maybe we should spend some more time with her. We can get to know her as our daughter", Rory suggested trying to cheer her up.

Amy got a glint in her eyes and started to smile. Not a relived smile or a happy one, but a rather crazed grin, like one of a madwoman. This didn't bode well for them. The last time he'd seen that grin, he was force-fed 5 bowlfuls of 'fish custard'.

"Yeah! Maybe the three of us could go out somewhere and have some family time!"

Amy got up quickly and began to sprint to the TARDIS, dragging her poor husband like a ragdoll behind her. Passersby stared at her and she tore down the street at breakneck speed yelling, "Hurry up, ya slowpoke! We're gonna be a FAMILY!"

Crap. He knew he shouldn't have mentioned the f-word**.**

A couple more blocks of being dragged, and they reached the spot the TARDIS was currently parked in.

"Wait, Amy. I don't think we should just barge in! Maybe we shoul-"

Amy completely ignored him and proceeded to fling the doors of the ship wide open.

"Mmm… Doctor. That feels so…."

"Ahhh, River!"

Rory froze dead in his tracks. The two naked time travelers didn't seem to notice a very twitchy Amy right in front of them as they proceeded to finish up their *ahem* business right in front of her. Rory, with much effort, managed to tear his eyes away the two to focus on his wife's expression. Oh no. He knew that look.

"WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK D'YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

The bellow had the desired effect and the two unglued themselves from each other with rather icky sounding wet noise and scrambled for their clothing. Amy looked around for a suitable weapon and spotted a rather innocent looking push-broom in the corner. With a sadistic grin on her face, she grabbed it and she ran after the Doctor (who'd managed to slip on his Adipose-print boxers by then), brandishing it threateningly in the air as she chased him all around Cardiff.

"COME 'ERE YOU!"

"Amy, calm down! I'm a time lord, so-"

" I DON'T CARE WHAT PLANET YOU'RE FROM, I'M STILL GONNA CASTRATE YOU!"

This left Rory and River Song sitting rather awkwardly on the bed, the uncomfortable atmosphere so thick, you could practically slice it with a freakin' spork. River Song cleared her throat while Rory shifted around uneasily. Great. Not only was he sitting in a rather suspicious wet spot with his daughter (who was currently wearing only bedsheets no less), but now he was expected to make some kind of fatherly-sounding-comforting speech-thing. He'd always sucked at those. Oh well, no harm in trying, right?

"River?"

"Hm?"

Rory's face was unreadable as he opened his mouth, with the intent of saying something extremely fatherly and assuring. Absolutely nothing came to mind.

"What is it?"

He settled for reaching into a pocket (that was randomly full with condoms), throwing a handful of its contents at her face and running out before she could see his blush, leaving a rather bewildered time traveler behind.

"Use protection."

**So yes. There ya go. Oh yeah, and for you Hetalia fans out there, anyone notice the Chibitalia reference? Let me know if you find it. It was pretty obvious. **

**Anyways, comment and stuff. PLEASE**

**And as always, if you have any fic ideas that you are too lazy to write yourselves, PM me! Or you can just PM me just cause.**

**Peace out! **


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